I have too much energy to sleep but my mind can’t focus on homework. I keep thinking about Ryan. What’s he doing? Where does he live? Does he think about me? Argh, I’m driving myself insane. Maybe I should look for him, but where would I start? Dammit, I need to shut my brain off. I grab my swimsuit and towel and make my way to the campus pool. Surprisingly not many people use the pools at night and if they do they usually use the outdoor pool and then it’s only swim team members. I’m not on the team but I use the pool almost every night and have yet to be disturbed there. Most girls would find it eerie but for me it’s calming being encompassed by the cold force, free amongst the liquid depths. It’s more of an urge now. I need to swim. When the water surrounds me and makes me light and free it’s like being on a cloud swirling with the air. I picture myself transparent like the water, fading more with every passing day until I become nothing. I let myself drop to the bottom of the pool, knowing how easy it would be to stay there, to leave the world I don’t fit into.
